Partner Has Feelings for Their Ex this fear can create confusion and emotional insecurity in any relationship. Couple relationships can be complicated when one partner’s romantic past continues to cause doubts, comparisons, or lingering attachments.
If you feel that your partner hasn’t completely moved on from a past relationship or that there’s still something unresolved with their ex, it’s normal to wonder if there are still feelings there. It’s not about falling into jealousy or paranoia, but about honestly observing certain attitudes or behaviors that could indicate that the emotional bond with the ex-partner isn’t completely broken.
Remembering an ex doesn’t have to be a problem if it’s a well-processed part of the past. However, when there are signs of attachment, constant nostalgia, or covert communication, it’s important to pay attention—not to accuse or control your partner, but to protect your emotional well-being and make informed decisions about what you’re experiencing.
In this Psychology-Online article, we’ll give you 10 signs that may indicate your partner still has feelings for their ex. Each one is explained in detail to help you identify patterns we sometimes overlook. Plus, at the end, you’ll find helpful recommendations on what to do if you feel your partner hasn’t fully healed from their previous relationship.
1. He is still in frequent contact with his ex
If your partner maintains regular contact with their ex through texts, calls, or social media, and there’s no clear reason (such as shared children or work-related issues), it could be a sign that an emotional bond remains. The problem isn’t the contact itself, but rather the frequency, the affectionate tone, or the secrecy surrounding it. If you notice them hiding, deleting messages, or changing their demeanor when the topic comes up, they may not have fully moved on.
2. Talks a lot (and with emotion) about their ex
When a person frequently mentions their ex-partner in conversation, and does so with nostalgia, idealization, or intense emotions (whether positive or negative), it’s a sign that this figure still occupies mental and emotional space . Sometimes they do it unconsciously, but the emotional content of the discourse reveals it. If you notice them comparing things to you, recalling anecdotes with a twinkle in their eye, or talking about what you used to do together, they may not have fully let go of that past.
3. Avoids talking about the subject or becomes defensive
If every time you ask about their ex, your partner reacts with evasiveness, discomfort, or aggression , there’s likely something more to it. When a past relationship is truly over, it can be discussed without drama or tension. Avoiding the topic or becoming defensive can indicate guilt, inner conflict, or unresolved feelings. The important thing is to observe whether they shut down communication with you or try to invalidate your concern.
4. Keeps sentimental objects from the past relationship
Keeping photos, letters, gifts, or very personal mementos from an ex-partner isn’t always a sign of attachment, but if they keep them in visible places or refuse to part with them , there might still be an emotional burden present. Especially if you notice them looking at them, mentioning them, or clinging to them, it’s worth asking yourself if that bond is truly closed. It’s not about erasing the past, but about making emotional space for the present.
5. Compares the current relationship to the previous one
If your partner often makes comparisons between you and their ex in terms of how you acted, how you communicated, or what you used to do together, they may not have fully let go of that previous model. These comparisons, while not always explicit, can come in the form of veiled criticism or phrases like “she never did this” or “I didn’t argue with him that much.” Constantly comparing is a sign that this idealized or unresolved figure is still present.
6. Takes an excessive interest in their ex’s life
Keeping track of what their ex is doing, frequently checking her social media, or asking other people about her are behaviors that can reflect a still-active emotional interest . Occasional curiosity is not the same as continuing to monitor her every move. If you see that they get excited, upset, or affected by what their ex posts or does, they are probably still emotionally attached, even if they don’t admit it or aren’t fully aware of it.
7. Their attitude has changed since their ex reappeared
If you’ve noticed your partner starting to behave differently since their ex re-established contact, whether through texts, calls, or casual encounters, this change can be revealing. They may become more distant, irritable, or even melancholic. This shift in dynamics or emotional state often indicates that their ex’s presence stirs up something internal that hasn’t yet been resolved, even if they deny or minimize it.
8. They’ve hidden the fact they’re still in contact with their ex
Lying or omitting that they’re talking to their ex is a clear sign that there’s something they don’t want you to know, probably because they know it wouldn’t make you feel good. Concealment doesn’t always imply infidelity , but it often reflects internal conflict or emotional ambivalence . If everything were transparent and neutral, there would be no need to hide it. Their dishonesty about this can indicate that they haven’t emotionally moved on.
9. Talking about their ex affects them emotionally
If, when talking about their ex , they become sad, angry, shut down, or emotionally agitated , there may be unhealed wounds or lingering feelings. When a relationship has been significant and the breakup hasn’t been properly processed, any mention can reactivate dormant emotions. This reaction doesn’t necessarily mean they want to get back together, but it does mean their emotional world is still somehow connected to that person.
10. They don’t give you your place when their ex appears
If you’ve run into each other somewhere or in a context where their ex was (party, social media, event, etc.) and you don’t feel they’re giving you your place as a partner for example, by avoiding introducing you, acting coldly, or even hiding the fact they’re with you it’s a worrying sign. When someone has moved on from the past, they have no problem showing their present naturally. If they make you invisible, they may still give their ex a special place in their mind or social circle.
What to do if I feel my partner hasn’t gotten over their ex?
Feeling that your partner hasn’t gotten over their ex can make you feel insecure, sad, or even angry. It’s normal to have doubts and questions like: Are they comparing me to them? Are they using me as a temporary fix? Do they really love me? In these cases, the first thing is not to blame yourself or try to compete with a ghost from the past. It’s not your responsibility to solve what’s theirs to work through
The most important thing is to start a conversation calmly and without recriminations. Express how you feel , what signs you’ve noticed, and what you need to feel secure in the relationship. Listen to their side of the story, but also observe if they are genuinely willing to close this unresolved issue.
Conclusion
If your partner has feelings for their ex, it can cause confusion, insecurity, and emotional pain—but it doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is over. What truly matters is how they respond when you express your concerns, whether they take responsibility for their behavior, and if they show a genuine willingness to rebuild trust.
Remember:
- You deserve emotional security.
- You deserve clarity not mixed signals.
- You deserve a partner fully present with you, not stuck in the past.
If your partner is willing to set boundaries with their ex, prioritize you, and work on emotional closure, the relationship can heal. But if they continue to minimize your feelings or maintain inappropriate attachments, choosing yourself becomes an act of self-respect.
You can’t control their past but you can control what you accept in your future.
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FAQs
1. What are the biggest signs my partner has feelings for their ex?
Some major red flags include constantly mentioning their ex, comparing you to them, stalking their ex’s social media, reaching out secretly, protecting the ex’s image, or becoming defensive when you ask questions. These behaviors show lingering emotional attachment to their ex.
2. Is it normal for someone to still care about their ex?
Caring in a neutral, non-romantic way is common, especially after long relationships. But when the care turns into emotional longing, jealousy, or secrecy, it becomes a sign that your partner may still have feelings for their ex.
3. Should I confront my partner about my concerns?
Yes—calm, honest communication is essential. Use “I feel” statements, not accusations. For example:
“I feel insecure when your ex comes up often. I need reassurance and clearer boundaries.”
Their response will reveal a lot about their true intentions.
4. Can a relationship survive if my partner still has feelings for their ex?
It depends on two things:
- Their willingness to emotionally detach and move forward with you.
- Consistent actions that show you are their priority.
With effort and boundaries, many couples rebuild trust successfully.
5. When should I walk away?
Consider leaving if your partner:
- Continues to hide communication with their ex
- Makes you feel like a “backup option”
- Refuses to set boundaries
- Compares you to their ex regularly
- Gaslights you for expressing reasonable concerns
Your peace is more important than staying in a relationship built on confusion.
